024: Paradise & Ruin

produced by Julian Mundy, Mischa Stanton & Ian McQuown
written & directed by Julian Mundy
sound design by Mischa Stanton
[BACK]

[[Intro: “Wild Plain”]]

>> Scene 01:

[[SFX: The gang relaxes on a sparsely populated terrace, overlooking a tropical forest settlement. A pair of ships pass overhead, further down into the valley, upsetting a flock of birds.]]

FESTON: All I’m saying is, you’d be dealing with a lot of pushback.

SERENA: Half the match is played in the post-game scorekeeping!

FESTON: Bounders is an institution held up by statistics nerds, so they get their hackles up about simplifying the format.

SERENA: You tell me that’s a good time for the whole family, go ahead. Try telling Lamplighter!

FESTON: Low blow! I am not gonna sit here and sully the good name of Bounders over these very nice mix drinks. [sips] Love a good Parallax Blur.

SERENA: Have it your way, Mr. Cultural Heritage.

FESTON: Oh yeah? My way? How about you do the intro this time?

SERENA: Come on, it’s your show, that’d be weird.

FESTON: [singsongy] No it woooon’t, and I won’t be bitter and complain about you smack-talking Bounderrrrrrs. 

SERENA: Dammit, you got me. Fine. [deep breath, a little reserved] Hello travelers, and welcome back to StarTripper!!

FESTON: Come on, put some gut in it! You know how we do it around here.

SERENA: Hush, you. [more energy] Welcome back to StarTripper!! My name is Serena, The Sapphire Blade, and I am currently joined by your host, Feston Pyxis, and the wonderful Proxy, as always.

PROXY: [bwoip] Hehe! Hello everyone!

SERENA: At the moment, we’re kicking back on the planet Uminos, one of the four temple-worlds on Nesta’s Path of Pilgrimage. It’s been a religious site for over a millennium, but after being settled and re-settled a few times, the local tourism bureau has worked to relax things a little. Twenty-odd years ago, we’d have needed tokens of pilgrimage to make landfall. This one came at the recommendation of our newest crewest, Tranquil Haegan, who I guess felt like we could all use a bit of culture? Hmm… They’re taking their sweet time, by the way. One wrong move in this town and you could be up to your neck in monks.

[[SFX: An air-cab comes in for a landing nearby, dispensing a number of other tourists.]]

SERENA: Or in a guided tour. Pick your poison.

FESTON: I’ll give ‘em a call just in case. [into comm] Hey TH, you’re not being menaced at sandal-point, are you?

HAEGAN: [over comm] Sorry for the delay, all. I received a message from a former colleague as we were entering orbit; had to follow up.

SERENA: Anything exciting?

[[MUSIC: Trio Guitars]]

HAEGAN: Only if you sky-weary souls consider the prospect of a home-cooked meal exciting.

FESTON: Okay, okay, keep talking.

HAEGAN: We’ve been invited to a family dinner at the Trutwig residence, I’ll send you the address. You needn’t dress to impress, luckily.

SERENA: Who’s this we’re meeting that we “needn’t try to impress?”

HAEGAN: My old contact in the Uminos Cohabitation Service, one Trutwig and his husband, Avo. Lovely people, who know their way around an ax, as it happens.

SERENA: Huh. Okay, well, that’s not the worst thing to lead with.

PROXY: The Cohab Service maintains the local balance of flora and fauna, deters poachers, and performs much-needed diagnostic studies of Uminos. Haegan, In what capacity did you work together with Trutwig?

HAEGAN: [rueful chuckle] Oh, I’m quite sure he’ll tell you all about it.

FESTON: Listen, you had me at “home-cooked meal,” I’ve been sort of zoning out since then. Location PLEASE.

>> Scene 02:

[[SFX: Feston and Serena approach a stone cottage.]]

FESTON: Nice place! Look at all the cool climbing vines.

SERENA: Sort of looks like they’re styling the house’s hair, what with the artful patches of moss. [smelling food] Oh kak, do you smell that? That’s so good.

FESTON: Wow, yeah, what is that?

[[SFX: The front door opens, and TRUTWIG comes out, heavy steps supporting a broad frame.]]

TRUTWIG: [jovial] And this must be them! The conquering heroes at last!

FESTON: [to Serena] Have you been here before?

TRUTWIG: And you’ll be Feston, of course! So glad you could make it! Which makes you Serena, naturally, and if I may, it’s nice to see a Vatra outrider again. Ah, weren’t there three of you? Tranq mentioned a third!

PROXY: [bwoip] Hello! I am Proxy, Integrated Assistant of the StarTripper! Pleased to make your acquaintance.

TRUTWIG: Hah! Charmed to meet you all, the name’s Trutwig. But please, let’s continue this in the den! Avo is just putting the finishing touches on supper. Right this way!

FESTON: Thanks! So hey, what were you saying about “conquering heroes,” exactly?

[[SFX: The group enters, the house’s interior warm and well-furnished. Avo can be heard moving around the kitchen while a pot bubbles on the stovetop. Mellow music pipes in over the sound system in the den.]]

[[MUSIC: Music box.]]

SERENA: Not that we’re saying you should stop.

TRUTWIG: Well, what else do I call the people who saved Tranq not only from certain death, but even from what would have been a professional embarrassment they’d never live down! If you’d blown it, I would be robbed of the best laugh I’ve had in years!

HAEGAN: Trutwig, Zai-dammit, I did not tell you about that so you could use it as ammunition!

TRUTWIG: No, you thought you’d get away with playing it cool about the whole thing, which you kakking won’t! I won’t stand for it.

HAEGAN: This is a damned ambush.

AVO: [from the kitchen] Tranq, in your shoes, I’d have to stop myself from kissing their feet. You could be just a little shameless about it. Make them one of your special mix drinks, at least! [to the crew] Make yourselves comfortable, folks, I’m Avo. You’re just in time!

[[SFX: Haegan rises from their seat to prepare drinks.]]

FESTON: You’ve got a lovely place here!

TRUTWIG: Found ‘em admiring our handiwork on the front yard, hun.

AVO: Blessed Nesta, that’s so sweet. I wish I could take all the credit!

[[SFX: Haegan crosses to Feston & Serena.]]

SERENA: Are both of you in the Cohab Service? Oh, thanks Haegan.

AVO: Yeah, we met as junior rangers on a conservation study. Trut was supposed to be taking soil readings of the Shadeway Temple grounds, but I found him sunning himself on a balcony!

TRUTWIG: Well, I seem to remember you shouting a lot less when I looked up at you and flashed the old Trutwig grin.

AVO: Oh, cram it, you. Honestly, I have to live with this all the time.

FESTON: [laughs] Yeah, you look real conflicted.

AVO: [beaming] Fine, you got me. He takes the job much more seriously these days, at least.

HAEGAN: Oh, is that so?

TRUTWIG: Well these days, I spend less time having to fish nosy Kraydis out of the old reservoir, so they’re thinking about promoting me.

HAEGAN: Then congratulations are in order. Asshat.

FESTON: Well, I’m gonna need the full scoop on that incident, thankyouverymuch.

TRUTWIG: As long as we can trade. I still need all the details of your little adventure on Quaro.

FESTON: Easiest deal I ever made.

AVO: You can swap stories over stew, come and get it!

HAEGAN: It smells wonderful, Avo, thank you.

[[SFX: The group moves to the dining room and each takes a seat. Chairs scoot in, some utensils clink.]]

TRUTWIG: You folks lucked out, timing-wise. We started slow-cooking the wolpello this morning, and the veggies aren’t more than twenty ticks out of the ground.

SERENA: This is great. Um. [beat, sniffs] Wow, felt weirdly emotional all of a sudden, I’m good. Feston, you good?

FESTON: [close to tears] Oh, yeah, amazing.

PROXY: [bwoip] I think they needed this.

AVO: You folks really know how to pay a guy a compliment.

FESTON: We gotta pay you back somehow.

TRUTWIG: There, now, you’re more than welcome. Haegan told us a little about how things have been for you lately. No kakking picnic, that’s for sure.

AVO: We’d be happy to have you until you need to take off again. You’re probably eager to get back to kicking ass out there, Serena.

SERENA: Yes and no. We’re all sort of taking things as they come right now. If I’m being honest, this was supposed to be a vacation, but you know how it is. Work finds you sometimes.

AVO: You don’t sound too busted up about it, at least.

FESTON: Depends on the job, right TH?

HAEGAN: I claim zero responsibility for any past mishap.

TRUTWIG: Well, don’t get too comfy, Tranq. I gotta tell these nice folks about the time I dragged you out of the reservoir by your ankles.

HAEGAN: Lies! Malicious lies!

[[MUSIC: Vacation guitar.]]

>> Scene 03:

[[SFX: The background music has changed tracks, and the dishes are being cleared away.]]

TRUTWIG: So you just tried… kicking an ancient Yug safe floating in space? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

FESTON: Well, it worked, didn’t it? Take it up with the Yug, oh wait!

SERENA: I seem to remember the rest of that story involving several near-death experiences with space pirates.

FESTON: Who ended up being pretty nice folks! Anybody wanna hear some dirty pirate limericks? “There once was a Freeboodle spacer–”

SERENA / HAEGAN / TRUTWIG / AVO: Noooo. / Pass. / I’m good. / That’s all right, you don’t have to--

[[SFX: A trilling alert tone sounds over Trutwig’s multi-tool.]]

AVO: I didn’t think you were on the clock, hun.

TRUTWIG: Not technically, but I just got a strange auto-alert from one of my patrol zones. Some sort of seismic activity disturbing the wildlife around Section 180, I’m getting dispersal pings from five surrounding zones.

FESTON: Everything all right?

TRUTWIG: Should be, but I better head out to make sure. If it’s a mama mag-tail burrowing a new warren under a major structure, that becomes my whole week.

SERENA: Great, I could use a little after-dinner exercise.

FESTON: Oh yeah, I’m here for some of that deep forest temple action.

PROXY: [bwoip] If you don’t mind the extra company, of course.

TRUTWIG: Well, there’s nothing in the regulations against it, but…

HAEGAN: You might as well give in, Trut, they’re the type to pick a plan and stick with it.

FESTON: Mmhmm.

SERENA: And if Feston breaks, touches, or upsets anything, I take full responsibility. I’d also give him merciless noogies.

FESTON: She has knuckles like rocks.

AVO: I’m sure you’ll be just fine. As long as you follow what this one says and not as he does.

FESTON: Nice. Trutwig, you have a very zowy husband.

TRUTWIG: I sure think so. [pecks Avo on the cheek] Back soon. We can take my cruiser, this way y’all!

HAEGAN: It’ll be nice to see what you’ve been up to since last time.

[[SFX: Trutwig leads Haegan away down the hall, front door opening]]

AVO: Be safe out there, folks!

SERENA: Thanks again for having us.

AVO: Oh, thank you for being had! It’s a rare treat these days.

FESTON: Speaking of, that wolpello was killer, gotta get the recipe.

[[SFX: Feston exits, followed closely by Serena. We head down the same hall and out to the open air of Uminos.]]

TRUTWIG: [several yards away] Let’s hit it, folks! 

FESTON: Hey wait up!

[[MUSIC: Expansive tones.]]

[[SFX: The pair cross over to Trutwig’s idling hover-cruiser and clamber inside; the interior is reminiscent of a large sport-utility vehicle. Trutwig shifts into flight mode and the cruiser takes off across the landscape.]]

FESTON: So all this is your office?

TRUTWIG: Yeah, well, we’ve all got our plots to look after. I’m not certified for temple upkeep, but I always preferred the growing side of things. Not too shabby, is it?

SERENA: You can tell a lot of care goes into the place. I know a few folks back home on Arsylla would love to swap some notes.

TRUTWIG: Now, that is generous of you, Serena. I’ll pass that along.

HAEGAN: And where are we headed exactly, Trut?

TRUTWIG: If I remember right, Zone 180 is the old Unrather estate, well outside of the city. All pretty overgrown by this point, but it used to be a noble mansion until Nesta came along to break the Great Hoard of Uminos. Leveled the playing field a little, you might say, but we’re talking at least eight hundred years ago.

FESTON: Kinda hard to believe it’s still standing after all this time.

TRUTWIG: It is and it isn’t. We’ve done what we could for the place, but I’m not that shocked by weird seismic activity there. Somewhere along the line, the back half of the villa started to slump into an underground ravine, just cracked the foundation right in two. These days, a good portion of the guest wing and downstairs are several feet below where they’re supposed to be. My bet is on mag-tail warrens spreading over the years, but either way, it’s not too safe living there.

SERENA: So what are you supposed to do about it?

TRUTWIG: Just get a read of the place, to start with. We’ll see if we can pinpoint what might be causing all the fuss, and if there is one I’ll be glad you folks came along tonight. We’re coming up on it right over here.

[[SFX: In a few moments, Trutwig starts to bring the cruiser around for a landing.]]

PROXY: [bwoip] Have a good time everyone! Tread carefully, and follow the guide.

TRUTWIG: Couldn’t have put it better myself!

[[SFX: The cruiser deploys its landing gear and settles to a stop. The doors open, and the gang hops out. The wind blows hollow across the lawn of the Unrather Estate.]]

FESTON: Wow, you weren’t kidding, this place got hit hard.

TRUTWIG: Now you see the delicate issue. The Cohab Service isn’t about to try to drag this place out of the grave if it means upsetting things any more.

HAEGAN: Seems like that ship has launched already.

TRUTWIG: You mean literally? It does look a bit like something landed or took off over on that side.

FESTON: [low] All right, travelers, let’s see what we can find out here.

[[SFX: The gang meanders across the grounds, walking on a combination of plant matter and very old flagstone paving. Birds can be distantly heard, but the surroundings are oddly still.]]

SERENA: You ever seen anything like this before? It’s so quiet.

FESTON: Got me there, usually the local wildlife can’t wait to bother me.

[[SFX: As we walk, the low rumbling of some advanced machinery can be heard coming from deep inside the old mansion house.]]

[[MUSIC: Mystery.]]

FESTON: Hold up… that noise. That’s something, right?

TRUTWIG: Yeah, I don’t like the sound of that.

SERENA: Let’s take it real slow, everyone. Trut, you and me first.

[[SFX: Serena and Trutwig move to the front of the group, all climbing the main stairs up to the broad front patio. The rumble increases in volume as we get closer.]]

FESTON: Really hoping these mag-tail things aren’t as mean as they seem in my head.

TRUTWIG: I wouldn’t say “mean,” just real territorial, and they don’t stick to one warren year-round.

PROXY: [bwoip] I will take ongoing seismic readings until you are in the clear. Please be safe inside.

TRUTWIG: All right folks, let’s head on in, and I’ll holler in the event we need to make for the exit fast.

[[SFX: Serena draws her segmented sword.]]

SERENA: Just a precaution.

[[SFX: Serena and Trutwig enter the foyer, Feston and Haegan close behind. Inside is fairly spacious, the bare stone causing some echo. The rumble is all around, reverberating.]]

[[Music: Ominous.]]

HAEGAN: [low] That’s definitely mechanical.

FESTON: Causing a lot of rumbling in a place like this is… bad, probably, right?

TRUTWIG: If it’s poachers or something, we gotta get in there.

SERENA: On it.

[[SFX: The group heads deeper in, approaching the expansive main hall. Some indistinct, military voices can be heard inside the space. Suddenly, Serena takes hurried steps back, halting the group.]]

GRIVENDER: [in the distance] How much longer, dammit? We should be through that passage already, Cymar.

CYMAR: Sir! We’ve nearly cleared rubble and sediment. Another tick and the excavation team will be through.

GRIVENDER: I pray for all your sakes that you’re right. The Dominion Armada is no place for failures, and I have no problem cutting away any dead wood from this command.

CYMAR: Yes, Captain Grivender! 

SERENA: frantic whisper] Back! Move back! Big problem!

[[SFX: Taking careful steps, the group retreats some distance.]]

FESTON: [low, worried] Serena?

SERENA: [trying to keep calm] Move your asses, I am NOT joking. That’s a whole squad in there, military hardcases. I’d say they’re from the Dominion of the Keyless Lock.

HAEGAN: Zai help us…

FESTON: Dominion? Those imperialist types from beyond Commonwealth space? What are they doing here?!

SERENA: Operating some kind of drill or excavator on the back wall, I couldn’t get a good look at it.

TRUTWIG: But what could they possibly want with this place?

HAEGAN: We have a mountain of questions to answer, and no way to answer them without backup.

SERENA: Yeah, we gotta get outta here and regroup.

[[SFX: Suddenly, DR. LILICROYD BUNN (LILI) steps out from another corridor to bar the group’s escape. She raises a vicious-sounding beam weapon, releasing the safety.]]

[[MUSIC: Melancholy piano.]]

LILI: Hold! Drop your weapons and don’t even flinch in my direction!

FESTON: What the hell…

SERENA: Kakking yanat-sang-ha!

LILI: Drop the damn blade!

[[SFX: Serena drops her sword, which retracts when it hits the floor.]]

LILI [calling down the corridor] Captain Grivender, we have intruders!

>> Scene 04:

[[SFX: Feston & the gang kneel in front of Dominion captain GRIVENDER. They are surrounded on all sides by well-armored DKL soldiers, who occasionally mutter or chuckle, weapons and fastenings clinking. The Dominion excavator continues its steady grind.]]

GRIVENDER: Tidily handled, Doctor. So, we have a park ranger, a couple of tourists, and an outrider of the Circle of Vatra. What a day! Count yourself lucky that I don’t throw you all down the ravine.

SERENA: Why haven’t you?

FESTON: [warning, scared] Serena, I wouldn’t…

GRIVENDER: It’s a fair question. The fact is: I anticipated someone would come, and we could use more warm bodies for this mission. I suppose you count.

TRUTWIG: [freaked out] Sir, captain, sir, I don’t know if you know about this place, but it’s really unsafe to be digging in here. BEING in here is probably a bad move for all of us.

GRIVENDER: I’m not here because I wish to be, worm. We are looking for something and we will find it.

FESTON: Okay, but did you have to take all of our stuff? That multi-tool has some extreme sentimental value!

GRIVENDER: How sweet! If you survive navigating the sunken portion of the house, locate the Unrather vault, and assist in our extraction of the objective, then, well… Our way is to make room for every useful tool.

[[MUSIC: Royal piano.]]

SERENA: You’d let us go.

GRIVENDER: [smiling] Certainly.

HAEGAN: I like our chances much better anywhere but the bottom of a ravine.

GRIVENDER: There, you see? Some of you Common Folk are worth the time after all. Some of you might even have a future within the Dominion… a distant one, perhaps. On your feet.

[[SFX: The gang gets to their feet. The excavator finally punches through the obstruction, rubble clattering all over.]]

CYMAR: Debris has been cleared, captain! Excavation team is proceeding to the next staging point.

GRIVENDER: Very good, Cymar. I want checks every half-tick.

CYMAR: Sir!

HAEGAN: I have some engineering experience, captain, and Trutwig knows the area front and back. Probably wise to listen to his advice about the danger here, we--

GRIVENDER: [amused] Now, don’t sell yourselves short. You’re a zenith-class systems engineer, and you call that “some experience?” Having a clerical worker in the mix is an odd wrinkle, though.

HAEGAN: …You’ve checked us out, I see.

GRIVENDER: Enough to satisfy my curiosity. For the moment, you’re not in danger as long as you follow my orders. Do we understand each other, tourists?

FESTON: Sure, except for why any of this is happening.

SERENA: Glad we can talk about this.

GRIVENDER: Of course. Although, I confess to some lingering curiosity, Sapphire Blade.

SERENA: About…?

GRIVENDER: That tattered Vatra code you wave around. I’ve never had the pleasure of a match with a Vatra before. Is your defense tattered, as well?

[[SFX: Serena takes a step towards Grivender.]]

SERENA: Happy to educate you, yanat-sang.

[[SFX: Some DKL troopers step forward, raising weapons. Feston starts moving to hold onto Serena.]]

FESTON: Serena, don’t, they’re just gonna-- OOF! [coughs]

[[SFX: A DKL trooper drives a knee into Feston’s gut, dropping him to the floor in a coughing fit.]]

SERENA: Grivender, Zai-dammit, are we keeping this civil or what? I’m getting tetchy!

GRIVENDER: [in command] Hold, all of you. Clear a space there.

[[SFX: With military snap, the DKL troopers move crates and weapons away, creating an opening to fight in. Grivender and Serena move to the center.]]

[[MUSIC: Cyberpunk beats.]]

GRIVENDER: You and me, outrider. This will be instructive for all of us. [with false courtesy] If you please.

SERENA: HYAH--unh!

[[SFX: Grivender catches the kick in a snappy motion, then smashes Serena clean in the face, knocking her back. Some unkind laughs from the DKL troopers.]]

SERENA: [reaction, clearing vision and nose] Dammit!

[[SFX: Another brief one-two exchange is blocked by Grivender, executing a leg-sweep to knock Serena to the floor. The next moment, he grapples and throws several swift punches, hitting home on each one. With a final blow she’s knocked aside, and Grivender looms over her.]]

GRIVENDER: This can’t be all you have, Sapphire Blade! We won’t get anywhere like this.

[[SFX: From deep below, there is a growing rumble as a mag-tail ascends.]]

TRUTWIG: Folks… Hey everybody, I think we better move!

GRIVENDER: What is it now?

CYMAR: Captain, the Common is right, we need to vacate this area! Incoming acoustic signature, and it looks real big.

TRUTWIG: Mag-tail! Mag-taaaail!

[[SFX: The rumble builds to a crescendo as the mag-tail breaches through the floor at the far side of the hall with a deep screech.]]

GRIVENDER: Squad, move all essential gear and head inside, quickly!

[[SFX: There is a scramble to make it through the opening at the back of the room, DKL troopers clanking in armor. The mag-tail bellows, scooping two troopers - screaming in fear - up into its mouth. It curls up and chews.]]

FESTON: AH IT JUST ATE TWO GUYS!

[[SFX: The crew runs for their lives, escaping to a quiet part of the tunnel as the mag-tail burrows away.]]

HAEGAN: [out of breath] Good call there, Trut.

TRUTWIG: Almost made too late. Mighty hell, Serena, you ok?

FESTON: Taken worse hits than that before. Come on, that was no Midnight Lance, champ.

SERENA: Locks, pressure point strikes... [winces] Ow. No doubt about it, the prick is a professional.

LILI: [low] In some ways.

FESTON: Huh?

LILI: Nothing, shut it. Let me see here.

[[SFX: Lili does a diagnostic scan of Serena’s face.]]

SERENA: You’re being… weirdly nice about this.

LILI: No, I’m not, I’m being a doctor, and I said “shut it.” You have a cheekbone fracture, hold still while I apply a bio-seal. A couple of ticks and you’ll barely remember anything hit you.

SERENA: Oh, we’ll see about that.

[[SFX: Lili opens a small case and takes out a spray canister.]]

LILI: [professional calm] Eyes closed. Gently, don’t clench.

[[SFX: Lili sprays Serena’s face gingerly, two clean moves. The spray hardens into a shell on Serena’s face.]]

LILI: The seal will do its job and re-knit the bone. There may be some uncomfortable warmth. Just leave it until it cools.

HAEGAN: Thank you for that, Doctor…?

LILI: Doctor Lilicroyd Olania Pancheff-Arlinyde Bunn.

[[SFX: A whistle from the troops. The crew follows.]]

HAEGAN: Right…

[[MUSIC: Mysterious adventure.]]

>> Scene 05:

[[SFX: The assembled party descends into the tilted lower hall, a hover-cart with the excavator being pushed along at the rear. Soon, the group comes to a stop.]]

TRUTWIG: All right, one of these forks should lead back to the former dining hall, and the master bedrooms. But we’re likely to skirt close to the crevasse slowly eating this place. 

GRIVENDER: Cymar, terrain stability?

CYMAR: Acoustic instruments show no cause for alarm yet, sir, although there are some background signatures. According to the intel you received, sir, I would advise taking the left path. Animal activity is likely to increase as we go.

TRUTWIG: [very worried] Sure feels like they’ve picked out a new den.

GRIVENDER: Dig team, you’ll hold position until we run into further blockage, or locate the vault. Doctor, you and Cymar will accompany me down the left fork with the others.

LILI: Yessir.

SERENA: All right, doc, spill it, what are we looking for?

[[MUSIC: Royal piano.]]

CYMAR: Watch your mouth, Common.

LILI: Dial it back, Cymar, they need some kind of brief.

CYMAR: [grudging] Whatever you say, Doctor.

LILI: The vault is supposed to house part of an artifact stolen by the Traitor-Sovereign Mardyne. We are looking for a metallic fragment of what is thought to be a mantle and collarpiece, corroborated by others found elsewhere.

FESTON: You guys “think” it’s a mantle and collarpiece? You don’t know?

GRIVENDER: Information pertaining to the artifact is carefully controlled, on a need-to-know basis. None present have reached the rank that needs to know.

SERENA: Even you? [reacting to a glare from Griv.] Oh, come on, how is that an unfair question?

CYMAR: Sir! Loose ground near the turn up ahead, then I’m seeing the passage widen out. This is where things get uncertain.

[[SFX: The group navigates a crooked turn, loose stones and pieces of masonry shifting and clattering.]]

FESTON: This is completely nuts, you folks realize that, right? Doing all this for some fancy royal outerwear in a mystery safe? I’ve dealt with mystery safes before and trust me they will let you down!

LILI: This far in, it’s not up for debate.

GRIVENDER: Talk less, watch more.

SERENA: There’s the opening, up this incline.

[[SFX: The terrain shifts up on an incline. The group walks until they reach an open chamber; footsteps reverberate into large gaps in the floor.]]

TRUTWIG: Yeah, I guess that used to be a dining room. Lots of pitfalls.

FESTON: Oh kak, that’s a long way down.

LILI: Cymar, you got a reading here?

[[SFX: Cymar’s device emits a shifting frequency.]]

CYMAR: We must be getting closer to the ravine, but check it out. I have a ping coming back from up ahead. Material signature unknown but whatever it is, it’s sizable and super-dense. Uniform silhouette, looks like a big box. Three guesses what it could be.

LILI: All right, good, but proceed with caution.

GRIVENDER: Doctor, you stand by with the Lorvian. Cymar, you and the others, on me.

TRUTWIG: It’s gotta be all of us? I don’t like the look of that floor.

CYMAR: You three, don’t do anything stupid.

SERENA: Worry about yourself, minion.

[[SFX: Cymar points a blaster at Serena.]]

CYMAR: Oh, I will. You take point, Vatra skuura. No telling when that thing will show up again, so if anyone else is getting eaten, it’s you.

SERENA: Let’s go if we’re goin’.

[[SFX: Serena, Trutwig, Grivender and Cymar ascend the rubble, leaving Feston and Lili behind.]]

[[MUSIC: Airy drama.]]

FESTON: I’m an expert on bad ideas, you know. This is a bad idea.

LILI: Well spotted.

FESTON: Okay, but... what’s your angle here? What did you mean before, he’s a professional “in some ways?”

LILI: [tense, hushed] Keep your voice down. Listen, Grivender hasn’t had much success in the Hunt up to now, and some blunders have cost him. Whatever tipoff he got, it was hot enough to keep him from passing it up the chain of command. 

FESTON: [tense, hushed] No offense, why are you telling me this? Doesn’t it work out for you if the tip is for real? 

LILI: And if it doesn’t, he’s out of second chances. Lord Surgurant will deal out a harsh punishment for him, and who knows where that ends? “If you were loyal, you would have told me--”

FESTON: “--Would have told me you were planning something,” and so on. Okay, right, tough position.

LILI: The rest of this crew can be bought, bullied, or cajoled into doing something stupid. If we aren’t punished, we’ll just be recycled into other crews. I want out, instead.

FESTON: How? Where is your win here?

LILI: Still working that out. I didn’t have a lot of options, or openings. But when you all showed up, I had to take the chance. I’m sure not betting my future on Grivender Mystrum Roff, of all bloody-knuckled fools.

FESTON: Why not pass this up the chain?

LILI: You could call me a skeptic, I guess. About the Dominion. I’m from a conscripted family, so...

FESTON: Hmm. And he’s… he’s not gonna let us go after this, is he?

LILI: [trying to be kind] Don’t be silly. You saw us, after all.

FESTON: Right… okay. So… what do we do?

LILI: Wait for our moment. Work together, and improvise. We’ll take things as they come.

FESTON: Some plan, doctor. Like you took it right out of MY playbook.

LILI: ...I’m sorry.

FESTON: Why?

LILI: You seem nice, and I’m being selfish. I managed to take this when we were chased down here. Keep it out of sight.

FESTON: [hushed, excited] My multi-tool! Amazing! Prox, you there?

PROXY: [stealth bwoip] Yes Feston, I managed to conceal myself.

[[SFX: Over Lili’s multi-tool, Cymar opens a channel.]]

CYMAR: [over comm] Looks like we may need to get the excavator in here, Captain. Not seeing a lock mechanism or interface.

GRIVENDER: Make sure, damn you, or you can go back to provide cover for the excavation team yourself.

CYMAR: Yes, sir.

LILI: Cymar, you want to try getting a multiple-ton excavator across the floor that looks ready to cave in? And then have it dig all night?

GRIVENDER: The mission is the mission, Doctor.

FESTON: Oo, wait a tick, wait a tick! Serena, try knocking on it, hard, like you’re mad as hell at it. Really crank one! Just get ready to catch whatever comes out.

SERENA: [over comm] True, the slant on this place is gonna cause some problems for anything not nailed down in there.

CYMAR: Knock on… what the hell is the Lorvian saying?

LILI: I’m lost on this one, Cymar.

FESTON: Like I said, I have some experience here, and these folks were loaded. I just have a hunch, try it.

GRIVENDER: Fine. Take positions and let’s deal with this. You two, up here.

[[SFX: Lili and Feston join the rest of the squad, passing pitfalls and the long stone table.]]

SERENA: Ready to knock, chief.

GRIVENDER: Go.

[[SFX: Serena’s armored fist collides with the door. A beat or two passes before...]]

SERENA: Should I try again, or…?

[[SFX: The Yug-style vault door swings open, creaking mightily. Objects start to slide and tumble out. Serena steps forward to keep the door from swinging back in.]]

SERENA: Oh, kak, somebody catch!

FESTON: I see something! [effort]

LILI: Hold the door there!

SERENA: Got it, just watch out!

PROXY: [bwoip] Caution: nearby structural hazard detected.

FESTON: Prox, don’t--!

[[SFX: Cymar’s DKL scanner emits a chirp of warning.]]

CYMAR: I have incoming, sir!

GRIVENDER: Now hurry and find the objective!

[[SFX: More objects start to slide across the floor, coins pinging and bouncing down down into the nearby pits. Cymar shoves Serena aside.]]

CYMAR: Out of my way… I’ve got it! I’ve got the fragment! Let’s go!

[[SFX: Objects continue to drop out of the vault and roll across the floor, but the stone seam around the vault starts to crumble and give way.]]

FESTON: Watch out, the vault!

GRIVENDER: Move back, move back, all of you! It’s tipping out!

HAEGAN: On this floor?!

SURVEYOR CYMAR: [starting to run] Just get out of my kakking way! [impact] Whoop!

[[SFX: Cymar trips, dropping the artifact.]]

LILI: Got it!

[[SFX: Lili grabs the fallen artifact. The group starts to retreat as the vault’s moorings give way. The dense, walk-in-freezer-sized structure tips forward and slams on the floor, which cracks and begins to give way immediately. The group tries to outpace the collapsing masonry.]]

FESTON: [spirinting] Oh kak oh kak oh kak! Doc, hurry up!

LILI: [sprinting] Shut your face, you!

SERENA: [sprinting] Just get to the corridor, we can make it!

[[SFX: Several frantic seconds of running ahead of the collapsing floor, getting close on our heels.]]

ALL: [grunts of effort, leaping the final distance]

PROXY: [bwoip] Nicely done, crew.

GRIVENDER: [looking around] Who just spoke? Lorvian?

FESTON: Uhhhhh.

[[SFX: From underground, there is a great guttural bellow.]]

SERENA: Oh kak.

TRUTWIG: Ohhh, that’s the mama…

LILI: Time to move your butts, people!

[[MUSIC: Mischevious piano.]]

[[SFX: The gang high-tails it down the corridor, to the slowly encroaching sounds of an enormous burrowing creature making its way up to the surface.]]

FESTON: [running, again] This… was a terrible… idea!

[[SFX: Making it to the intersection, the group nearly runs headlong into the excavator crew. Another bellow, drawing near from around the bend.]]

GRIVENDER: By Ulvermorne, MOVE!

>> Scene 06:

[[SFX: The party regroups under trees, at a distance from the crumbling manor house, the mag-tail mama bellowing.]]

GRIVENDER: What a disaster. Troopers and gear lost, along with anything usable at the site.

LILI: We didn’t lose everything, sir.

GRIVENDER: [scornful, venomous] And how do you propose to salvage the mission I risked so much for?

LILI: I managed to grab the artifact fragment. Appears to be a piece of burnished metal plating, possibly a shoulder-plate. Strange interlacing of circuits inside.

GRIVENDER: [eager] Well, hand it over, Bunn.

LILI: Um...

[[SFX: Lili takes a step back. Nearby DKL troopers stand and clench their weapons.]]

SURVEYOR CYMAR: skuura…

HAEGAN: Everybody just stay calm, now.

GRIVENDER: [deadly calm] Are you defying me, Doctor?

LILI: Tendering my resignation, sir. I walk out of here with these people, and you bring the fragment home. You can claim this mission was a success.

GRIVENDER: Ridiculous. I don’t even know where you picked up such a concept! You don’t resign from the Dominion. And it will be a success, now give me that artifact.

LILI: Macer and Zunian are gone, sir. So are Baltheas and Private Reyuul. Command will want answers.

GRIVENDER: [seething] I have a mind to kill you here and now, wretch! All of you, and I would rest easy tonight! Command will forgive all for the success of the Hunt.

SERENA: I don’t think so… You’re not supposed to be here, Grivender. If you were, the Dominion Fleet would be here with you. You’re desperate, but this could still be a win if you let us go.

LILI: Without the Lorvian, sir, you really would be done for. Not sure how, but he knew the style of vault. Everything after that happened naturally.

FESTON: Hey, I mean, it wasn’t anything that special.

GRIVENDER: You would have me live indebted to this… creature?

FESTON: Dick.

LILI: No, sir. Report that I was lost in action as well, and nothing gets in the way of your commission. You found a piece of the Sovereign’s Mantle, sir. We don’t exist.

GRIVENDER: [thinking a moment, chuckles] Hm-hm. Very well. You are profoundly insane, and a poor excuse for a soldier, but perhaps your initiative deserves an answer. A wager.

LILI: Sir?

GRIVENDER: [amused] The Sapphire Blade and I never got to end our match. You beat me hand-to-hand, you all walk free. If not, well… I go through with my original plan.

[[SFX: The troopers stir, more muttering.]]

GRIVENDER: Get their gear!

[[SFX: One trooper steps forward and drops a duffel bag of the gang’s gear. Lili takes out the artifact and offers it to Grivender.]]

LILI: Here, sir.

[[SFX: Grivender steps forward, taking the fragment roughly from Lili, and then kicking her away, hard.]]

LILI: Augh!

FESTON: Whoa! [braces Lili] Gotcha!

SERENA: Hey, asshole! Keep ‘em to yourself!

GRIVENDER: Oh, I have restrained myself entirely, Sapphire Blade, but no more. Let’s begin.

SERENA: With pleasure.

[[MUSIC: Swelling tones.]]

FESTON: Hey, watch yourself with this one. Don’t let him get into a rhythm.

SERENA: Thanks, coach.

GRIVENDER: Renegades like Doctor Bunn, the Traitor-Sovereign, or the precious Zai you Commons bleat about… they all suffer in the end. I’ll never understand the appeal.

SERENA: You wouldn’t have what it takes, anyway. Now, come on!!

[[SFX: Both opponents have lunged forward. One piercing hit from Kick Thirteen, and Grivender falls to the ground, limp.]]

GRIVENDER: [groans]

SERENA: [to the gathered troopers] Come on then, Minions! I got all day to spend on you!

LILI: Crew of the Severing, you can still salvage your honor here! Take your captain back to the ship, and forget today happened!

CYMAR: Whatever you say… Doctor.

[[SFX: Some faint muttering from the back rank, and the weapons are lowered. Two troopers come forward to collect the limp body of Grivender, and the rest retreat for their ship.]]

SERENA: So much for you assho-- [winces]

[[SFX: Serena drops to a knee. Feston and co. hurry forward, picking her up under the arms.]]

TRUTWIG: Zai-damn, Serena, that’s what I call a rematch. One hit!

FESTON: Nice work, champ. We got you from here.

[[Music: Chill & uplifting tones.]]

>> Scene 07:

[[SFX: Lili tends to Serena’s injuries in the back of the cruiser as it flies back to the city center.]]

HAEGAN: Doctor, I’m not sure yet if you almost got us killed, or saved all of our lives, but… thank you.

LILI: The jury is still out. I hope you’ll let me make it up to you all.

SERENA: First bit of advice: it’s time to ditch the Dominion gear.

LILI: Yes, that’s right! I’ll have to find something to wear, won’t I?

SERENA: I can lend you something, or Haegan can. I got a bit more going on in the shoulder area, as you can-- [winces]

LILI: All right, easy now.

SERENA: Mmhmm…

FESTON: We’ve got room for one more, right?

PROXY: [bwoip] There are still crew quarters available, and I’m sure we could use a proper doctor aboard!

TRUTWIG: The way you folks handle yourselves? I’d invest in some more armor plating on your hull, too!

HAEGAN: Sorry for the trouble, Trut.

TRUTWIG: Nah, in the big picture, I probably owe you guys my life! Can’t exactly pay you, so let’s call it one more heaping helping of wolpello, plus one for…

LILI: Oh! Yes, I should introduce myself, shouldn’t I? [ahem] I am Doctor Lilicroyd Bunn, er… “Lili” for short, I suppose. Thank you for having me aboard!

HAEGAN: I wish I could tell you this is the worst it gets with us, but… Ha, somehow that seems less and less likely.

LILI: [laughs, relieved] I won’t rock the boat, I promise.

SERENA: I think what you just pulled off says otherwise, Doc. At least I can punch the guy, you just went at him with moral fiber. Nuts.

HAEGAN: And I am a little worried that we just handed something so significant to that brute.

LILI: Hm? Oh, I didn’t.

FESTON: …Uuuuh, what do you mean? We all saw you hand it off.

LILI: What I gave Grivender was a piece of lavish costume jewelry, swapped out in the confusion. I have the real one here.

[[SFX: Lili takes out the real artifact.]]

SERENA: This is the real deal?

LILI: I mean, there’s no way to be sure how long it will take them to figure that out.

SERENA: Lili, are you insane??

HAEGAN: What a fascinating piece. Strange material, no flourish to it whatsoever. If there are any mechanical components, I can’t find them. You could almost mistake this for a piece of roof tile.

TRUTWIG: Whoa whoa, isn’t that gonna backfire?

LILI: Think about it. If Grivender was able to find a piece of the Mantle, he really would be back here - newly elevated, with the full strength of the Armada. The Dominion would scrape this place clean, and move on. Honestly, it’s better for all of us if he does show it to Lord Surgurant himself.

FESTON: Okay, I think I see. This way, the whole thing looks like a bust!

TRUTWIG: Did… did you just save my planet?

LILI: Mm-hmm! [giggles] And screwed over my crappy C.O. in the process! I can’t take all of the credit, naturally.

FESTON: Bad-ass! Well, travelers, that seems like a pretty good place to leave it until next time! Can’t wait to go through the last day or so, this is gonna be a wild episode!

[[MUSIC: “Wild Plain”.]]

LILI: Um… what is he talking about?

SERENA: [laughs] You complete dork, Pyxis...

PROXY: We can catch you up, Doctor Bunn.

SERENA: And thanks again. Gonna need to lie down for a while, though. Hey Trut, can we get a breeze going in here?

TRUTWIG: Sure thing!

[[SFX: Trutwig cracks a window, letting in a warm draft.]]

SERENA: [worn out] Thaaaat’s the stuff.

FESTON: Maybe we’ll give Serena an extended break this time around. I’d say she’s earned it. So from all of us– me, Proxy, Serena, Haegan, and our new Doctor, Lili Bunn–Can’t wait to catch you next season… on StarTripper!!

– END –

CREDITS: StarTripper!! was created by Julian Mundy, hey that’s me! And produced by Mischa Stanton, Ian McQuown, and me.

“Paradise & Ruin” was written and directed by your’s truly, with sound design by Mischa Stanton and performances by Ian McQuown as Feston, Sierra Shay as Proxy, Sammi Lappin as Serena, Chijioke Williams as Haegan, and introducing Regina Renee Russell as Dr. Lilllicroyd Bunn, as well as Jason Ryan Lovett as Trutwig, Milan Carter as Avo, Giancarlo Herrera as Grivender, and Johnny Tchaikovsky as Cymar. Recorded at a safe, social distance, with production help from Lauren Shippen & Evan Cunningham. Special production assistance this season from Erin Bark. Music by Ketsa. For more check out ketsamusic.com. Additional music this episode by Daniel Birch and Soularflair.

While we’re in the off-season, stay in touch on The Wave at StarTripperHQ.com, or see what we’re tweeting from the poolside @StarTripperHQ. Season 3 will be coming before you know it, so when we launch you’ll be the first to know. Don’t miss our thrilling return because we want you aboard for the next leg of our incredible voyage. And if there’s one thing that keeps this show in the air, it’s the support of our magnificent patrons over at Patreon.com/StarTripper. We’ll have extra goodies going up over the break and our discord community could always use another troublemaker in the mix… And pictures of your pets, you can always post pictures of your pets!

Thank you so much for flying with us for another season. And now for this week’s StarTrip Survival Tip:

Dear Traveler, other journeys will come after yours. So consider this: how do you want your present to change their future?